What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 02:48
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Can shaving hair by Veet in our vagina cause diseases?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What type of crossdresser are you?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What did i know ?
Why do so many autistic adults deal with self-hatred?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She married twice! .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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She loved him until the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My life is so biszare .
Why do people believe that global warming is man made?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it wasn’t much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Brutal 100-degree temperatures will hit cities from Boston to Washington - The Washington Post
And i lived it daily.
Ive learnt so much.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He knew the spot.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was very sick at this time too.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
This is soul school!.
I will be 64.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I waited trembling.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
All the time i was locked up.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My family never makes their pension either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But ive been too sick for many years..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why did i forgive my father ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I don,t even have a pension.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im still living with it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Who then, do I blame.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I said to her
So whats the point in blame.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Comes on , in middle age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Put me off passion for life!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We all went to grammer schools
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She wouldn,t have been !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One cannot live in the past .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was seconnd youngest,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Was to survive, this bastard.
We were not on the streets..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!